Schadenfreude: A Quiet Look at a Complicated Emotion

Inspired by something I recently read on Psychology Today

There’s a particular emotion we don’t often talk about, even though most of us have felt it in passing. It’s the German word Schadenfreude — the small, fleeting sense of satisfaction that arises when someone else stumbles or experiences a setback. In Korean, the closest everyday expression might be “고소하다,” and in a more literary sense, the phrase 행재락화(幸災樂禍) captures a similar idea.

It’s not a comfortable emotion to admit, but it’s a deeply human one. It tends to surface in moments of comparison, insecurity, or when we’re quietly longing for reassurance that we’re doing okay.

Why does this emotion show up?

Schadenfreude often appears when we’re feeling stretched thin or unsure of ourselves. When someone who seems more confident, more successful, or more “put together” falters, it can momentarily ease the pressure we carry inside.

It doesn’t mean we’re unkind.

It doesn’t mean we wish harm on others.

It simply reveals something about our own unmet needs — the desire to feel seen, safe, validated, or treated fairly.

And while the emotion may bring a brief sense of relief, it often leaves behind a quiet discomfort or self-reflection. That’s where the real work begins.

How this connects to the work we do at Soom Retreat

At Soom, we spend a lot of time exploring the inner landscape — the subtle, often unspoken emotions that shape how we move through the world. Schadenfreude is one of those emotions that invites us to slow down and look inward with honesty and compassion.

It can help us notice:

• When comparison is draining us

• What parts of us are longing for care or affirmation

• How stress or fatigue shapes our reactions

• Where we might be holding old wounds or insecurities

These insights tend to surface more clearly when we step away from the noise and give ourselves space to breathe.

This is part of why I created the Self‑Led Retreat — a quiet, intentional environment where people can sit with themselves, reflect, and reconnect without judgment or pressure. Emotions like schadenfreude, which we often push aside, can be gently explored in that kind of spaciousness.

A gentle closing

Whether this word feels unfamiliar or strangely familiar, it’s simply another part of being human. We all carry emotions that are layered, contradictory, and sometimes uncomfortable.

At Soom Retreat, you’re invited to bring all of it — the soft parts, the shadowy parts, the parts you’re still learning to understand.

There is room for all of you here.